Sexuality - lack of libido
Sometimes desire or orgasms do not meet. A number of factors can have a troubling effect on the libido: anima and animus, illness, hormonal imbalance, conjugal problems, stress…
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A difficult period in relations between couples often has repercussions on their partners’ desire. Sometimes, sexuality is even “used” to settle scores: not demonstrating desire towards a partner can be a way to “punish” him. The solution therefore is to try and resolve the problems. The first stage which is quite well known is to communicate, to discuss threadbare, the situation. Consultation can be a solution in the most difficult cases.
But, it may also be the case that one of the partners is a victim of a decreased libido without the couple having any particular problems in their relations. What is responsible for this? Routine is a real enemy of desire. Couples frequently complain of a decrease in libido after a few years of living together, even if love is present.
Breaking out of the routine, spicing up relations with some novelty (massage, strip-tease…), varying the pleasures is essential to maintain a satisfactory sexual life. A lot of attention has to be given to foreplay: they allow for the mind to disengage from daily preoccupations. This is an important stage to evoke desire. Moreover, the heightening of desire can be slower in the woman and insufficient foreplay is often responsible for a lack of synchronization between the desires of the woman and those of a man. Finally, if the man has suffered many sexual failures, or suffers from problems of erection, he can more or less consciously block his desire because of fear of failure. Again, it is the dialogue between the couple which is the best treatment.
Decrease of libido in men
Hormonal imbalance (low levels of testosterone) can explain a lack of desire. It is also important to know that with age, the male sex hormone levels decrease (we speak of andropause sometimes in parallel to the feminine menopause). Taking certain medication, notably, treatment for glaucoma, hypertension…can result in a decrease in libido. It is therefore essential to speak to your doctor. Finally, certain metabolic or endocrinal diseases, but also all illnesses, whether serious or not (with a major psychological al repercussion sometimes) weakens the body and runs the risk of inhibiting desire. The man often finishes up suffering on the bed with his spouse wishing more and more to find the exoticism of a new and passing relationship or he finds in his partner more games and originality.
Decrease of libido in women
Hormones equally influence the desire of a woman. Estrogen in particular plays a fundamental role in libido. After a delivery specifically, hormonal impregnation is modified and often brings about a lowering in libido, which is passing in nature most times. Certain contraceptive pills can also sometimes have an inhibiting action.
Some women associate love to procreation and to attain their objective of having a child, the woman submits to her husband in discharging her conjugal duties! But then, where is the notion of pleasure? Women very often disregard the fact that just like men, they can also have true pleasure which is not linked to their desire for a child. Finally, just as in the case of men, many illnesses carry the risk of direct or indirect repercussions on the libido, the body having been rendered weak.
Psychological discomfort has direct repercussions on desire. Thus, an episode of depression is often accompanied by a decrease in libido; desire decreases along with the life force.
Stress, anxiety, professional problems and fatigue are also enemies of sexual desire. Preoccupied, the mind cannot allow itself to indulge in sexuality.
My therapy consists of rediscovering the pleasure angle by helping couples find the erotic regions of their partners in complete harmony, which has often not been set.